When you observe others do wrong, immediately reflect upon yourself (6)

见人恶　即内省　有则改　无加警

Incident 6

Last year, I had lunch with a friend yingpin; She told me her problems and indeed a lot of problems in her life.

~ The Major problem: she was too uncontended with her life. Without morality and inspiration, human being is living a life of misery as she always 

1. wants things that she could not get

2. envy/ get jealous of what people have

3. see the flaws in others and failed to see the good in others. 

She got upset because of all these. 人没有受伦理道德的教育是很可怜的。有苦，有求不得苦（想要得到却得不到），看别人的过失而怨 — 苦（看别人不顺眼）。人不在地狱，却活得如同地狱般苦！I will not write in full details as it's private and confidential but this is the gist of it.

For point (2) and (3): It is being resolve and elaborated in previous posts.

Gratitude

~人不懂得感恩就会痛苦。In life, many people have done many things for us. But we fail to realise it and fail to feel it. We tend to always complain and view the misery in life.

~ I have already post on ‘Parents’ love’ and ‘Happiness comes from gratitude and appreciation'... I will elaborate slightly below. 

• ~ Just take our safe and security as an example. Our National Service(NS) men sacrifice their two years of their life and countless reservice hours for what? For the safe and security...for ME and for people in Singapore. Can we not be grateful and take everything for granted? Our peaceful life is a result of men’s blood, sweat and tears.  Can I think that everything is what I deserve? No, I deserve nothing! Everything is a gift, a present that countless people has given me! Gratitude! No words can express my gratitude toward you all! Your time, effort and hardship is worthwhile because YOU are the one who protect 5.3 million people! If you are in other countries, you are protecting much more people. Do you know how important and valuable you are?... To our NS men and to all who protect the people of Singapore/ other countries/ the world : I salute you...deeply from my heart sincerely! Thank you for protecting our country! ...the world!… This is only one aspect of my life…safe and security…

~ What about other aspects in life? Education. All the principals, teachers and staff worked for my future and the future of Singapore’s future generations. My education is paid largely by my parents and especially taxpayers. Taxpayers are my angels and guardians. 恩人啊！Without taxpayers, I will not be educated till university. How much money has been pumped into our education system? Too much to imagine!  I will never be able to study till university, and I believe nobody can, except children from wealthy families. I come from either a middle-low or lower income family. It is never possible without taxpayers and my parents. Gratitude! The situation may be different in other countries but the spirit is the same...we still have to be very grateful to the grateful!

~ How many people have put in so much effort to make my life better ( all aspects of my life)? 我不知道有多少幕后英雄！但我知道我必须感恩，一个会感恩的人才会快乐呀！多少人的付出，我才有今天！There are Many heroes in my life and I may not realise their presence but I know they are always there! They are heroes in all occupations, who make my life possible. Gratitude! 

~ My teacher always urge us to“感别人的恩，改自己的过”Always be grateful to others and always seek for self-improvement and change for the better!

Family 

~ When I chat with my friend, I realized what Buddha say is true：生到世界来， 人与人之间 或 父母与子女之间有四种缘：讨债、还债、报恩、抱怨。不过如此而已。I came to this world to repay the kindness of mankind and to contribute the best to the world. We have three ways of treating people- be nice, neutral or nasty. I have a choice and I will be nice! In her case, she does not have a happy family as both her parents do not treat her well in her perspective…which is why she see things rather negatively (understandable).

~ I got to be more understanding towards others as their background really does matters in shaping their personalities. When I interact with at-risk children/youth in a non-profit organisation/school, it is so real to me that they need more confidence, assurance and love. Don’t blame people for what they do as they may be very pitiful. 可恶之人，必有可怜之处！

~ When I reflect, I do have a good family. Hm… Actually, my family isn’t that perfect and relatives view my family as having problems or imperfection at that moment in time.  

~ On the contrary, I do not have such perspective. I see things differently. I think it was a small issue, probably I had resolve the kind of emotional trouble using Saints’ teaching. Saints’ teachings have made me learn to love...not be rebellious and dislike my parents. Many times, a small problem can be magnify by our own negative thoughts and magnify by people’s negative comments. Actually, we just have to face the music and solve it to the best of our ability. 圣贤人真有智慧。没受孝道的教育真是人的悲哀！

Wants and desire

~ 人没有随缘而又攀缘，有求不得苦。Yingpin cannot get what she wants so she felt that her life is miserable as she thinks that life is so difficult. This is one of the misery called “求不得苦 - you cannot get what you want”. 这就是求不得苦呀！

Stage 1: 有求，而求不得，就会痛苦。I may want/desire something, but I cannot get it, then I will feel sad/ miserable/angry.

Stage 2 : 有努力，没要求，随缘，就不苦。I strive to get something without having the desire to get it as I go with the flow of life. I will not feel that bad when I do not get it. 自在随缘！

Stage 3: Best! 老师常说 “人到无求品自高! 知足常乐! ” 真实不虚！Do not greed for this and that. I do everything for the benefit of society/ Singapore (my country)/ the world/ Mankind-- happy and no misery. If it is successful, good. If it isn’t successful, it’s good too! Every experience is a good experience depending entirely on my own positive thoughts and attitude. There is always something I can learn from everything! I will achieve stage 3- a free life. 

o   There are certain things I cannot have in life but I always put in 100%/ 200%/ 300% effort to get what I want. I believe hard work will be paid off ultimately. When we believe in ourselves, we have won half the battle. If hard work doesn’t paid off as much as I desire, then I need to recall...my secondary school teacher said: “You aim for the sky and hopefully you land on the clouds”. Aim high so you don’t fall low. Also, 『不求有功  但求无过』When we do good, we do not ask for return or any rewards, we do it for the others, the society and the world’s benefits.『只问耕耘  不求收获』

o   When I have a goal, I will earnestly strive with great effort to get what I want. When we do our best, the result is the best we can get. When I am in my secondary school, I was not nervous at all when I receive my ‘O’ level results as I did my very best and whatever results I get…is the best. It is the same for everything I do. I did the best, I have no regrets. I will do it without much desire( desire is a stronger feeling than a ‘want’ and it is dangerous as it may become greed). 

I face the result optimistically no matter what it’s outcome might be. I am contented with the outcome, and there is no/little negative emotions or any feeling of sadness as I did my very best already ya! I will reflect on how can I make it better the next time round.

~ Life is something like playing chess, I have to take what is given to me and make the best out of everything. Every step I move in the game, I will give it the best shot… but without having the thought of I want this, I want that, that’s the root of misery.
~ If I always ponder and look at what others have and blame my life to be unfair, I will live a life that is miserable. Why can’t we open our heart and see the good in people? I will not compare myself with others because everything has a reason (there is no need to envy).
~ I will Stop being so greedy and limit or even stop my’s greed.

Live within our means And live our very best! Stop complaining!

Life can be very beautiful if I view life with an optimistic perspective in my heart and in my mind!

I need to learn to be 如如不动！Learn DiZiGui, people do all the wrong things to help me reflect and do the right things to make me learn. Do not criticize! Never do that! Do not have too much of your views and do not air it so easily! As those views may harm others and may be wrong in the first place. In any circumstances, just don’t be easily moved/affected by others (do my best).

I have come to my last reflection post on this teaching...

见人恶　即内省　有则改　无加警

When I observe others do wrong, immediately reflect upon myself