When you observe others do wrong, immediately reflect upon yourself (5)

『见人恶　即内省　有则改　无加警』

见到别人做恶，自己要即时反省。

如果我犯了同样的过失，要马上把它改正。

如果没有，我要更加以警惕自己不要去犯。

Incident 5

I had a chat with my friend Anna quite some time ago and I realize…

 

- I realized that nowadays people are empty ‘inside’ 内心空虚. They derive happiness and satisfaction solely from external sources like food, entertainment, greed. But the problem is people fail to be truly happy emotionally/ psychologically/ internally发自内心的快乐the kind of Happiness that comes from within and not from external factors. 像佛经里讲的: 人们的乐是从财色名食睡来的。外有名闻利雅，欲望，财色名食睡的诱惑，内有自私自利、怨憎恚的烦恼。外有诱惑，内有烦恼。人怎么会真正快乐呢。I felt very fortunate as I have Saints and Buddha’s teachings so much so that I had let go of a lot of worries and problems 我少烦恼。我内心也不感到空虚。

- Although others indulge in a material life while I don’t, I feel more fulfilled and satisfied (than others). I do not have the kind of problems they have. Besides I have methods to solve problems should I have one. They have too much wants and needs, like what economists say “unlimited wants”, but I don’t have much as I learn saints’ teaching and realise greed is one of the worse thing I can have. 那是要不得的东西（欲）。

To be happy, I have to free myself from internal sources like (1) greed 贪心 ( for money/wealth, lust, fame/prestige, food, sleep 财色名食睡), (2) anger 嗔恚, (3) ignorance愚痴  (4) arrogance傲慢 and (5) doubt 怀疑 —doubting the truth of Saints and Sages' teachings and wisdom. The Buddha says these are the roots of misery and sufferings! 

1. Greed:     
                                                              

 Wealth, lust, fame, food and sleep is bad when it is excessive as it will do more harm than good. Too long a list of consequences to mention... Not listing all-- lust kills more than 40 million fetuses (=babies) worldwide every year. In two years, the death number is much more than the number of people died in WWII ( on abortion by World Health Organization WHO http://www.who.int/reproductivehealth/publications/unsafe_abortion/induced_abortion_2012.pdf ) In Singapore, there are more than 10,000 fetuses(=babies) killed every year (for 10 years) from 2003 to 2012! cruelty! (By Ministry of Health: Singapore http://www.moh.gov.sg/content/moh_web/home/pressRoom/Parliamentary_QA/2013/abortion-statistics.html) Please stop, please! They shouldn't die! Please let them live!













So, reduce greed for wealth, lust, fame, food and sleep as much as possible. Greed = want to get more, more, more. 
Be contented:) Be contented in material needs but still strive in other aspects of life like moral, skills, abilities, etc. I must not have unlimited wants... then I will be happy. 

2.Anger:

(1) Forget myself. Stand in the shoes of others. Feel for others. Then I will be able to understand them better and know why they do certain things or behaviour in a certain way. (2) Anger comes from arrogance and being too full of myself and  think that what I do is always right (3) misunderstanding and mis-communication causes unnecessary anger (4) have a big heart, forgive, forget…etc all the important values in life will help me build a personality that is free from anger.

3. Arrogance:                                                                                                                                                                                                Being full of myself and do not listen to others’ advice and opinion. Nobody likes arrogant people. Elders may be unwilling to teach me as I do not have the sincerity to accept their criticism, advice or teachings.没办法虚心受教, 接受长辈的教导

4. Ignorance:                     Stage 1- Knowing and having the abilities to differentiate the right from the wrong, the good from the bad is very vital. Why is knowing the rights and wrongs important? Reason: (1) I may be doing wrong with the mentality that I am doing something good. Eg, I may help my friend in such a way which makes her overly reliant on me. I may think that I am being a good friend but in fact I am helping my friend to be lazy which is undesirable. (2) I want to be a better person so I wanna do good (3) wrong actions will lead to bad/ undesirable/ terrible/ devastating/ irreversible consequences that I do not desire.                                                                                                                                                                                                             To be able to have the right mindset, it is important to learn 《弟子规》and Saints’ teachings as they have the wisdom different from laymen and the unwise masses.                                  Stage 2 – know the rights and wrongs and free my heart from both sides.                     Have a peaceful, clear and uncorrupted mind!

5. Doubt Saints’ teachings:                       没办法站在巨人的肩膀上—不可以看得更远。If I doubts Saints’ teachings, then I have to go through a lot of hardship and learn the hard way. A man actually told my teacher：“我这几十年累计的社会经验就只是弟子规的几句话而已啊！” ( the wisdom that I derive from my (accumulated)experiences throughout my life is only a few teachings in DiZiGui 弟子规.)  Have confident in Saints’ teachings because it is the accumulated wisdom and teachings from hundreds and thousands of years and has been through many disaster of being destroy thoroughly. It is swear, tears and hardship that these teachings are being passed down generations after generations. Have Confident!    

        感恩佛菩萨，感恩古圣先贤的教导！
I have all these flaws and I will change for the better. 
Please forgive me if I misunderstand or misinterpret these teachings. I am on the journey of learning. 

Reflect: 

Do not greed 

Do not get angry

Do not be arrogant 

Do not be ignorant 

Do not doubt Saints and Sages' teachings

Be truly happy

见人恶　即内省　有则改　无加警
When I observe others do wrong, immediately reflect upon myself.
If I have made the same mistake, correct it.
If I do not have such flaws/errors, I will be extra cautious not to make the same mistakes.

When you observe others do wrong, immediately reflect upon yourself (4)

『见人恶　即内省　有则改　无加警』

When I observe/realise others do wrong (actions/words/behaviour), I must immediately reflect upon myself.

If I have made the same error/ mistake or has the same flaws/faults, I will correct it. 

If not, I will take extra care to not make the same mistake as him/her.

Incident 5
Some time ago...

1.   When I saw Jorge with another girl, I felt a bit upset or rather I really disapprove of such behavior—previously with Jia Ying and now with another girl.

2.  I have many friends who has many exes. Some have five (such a ridiculous number of ex-boyfriends). In a company, I worked as an admin assistant and I met this gal called Stella (21 Years old). Stella has three ex-boyfriend and she mentions/chat with me about them frequently. She is still in contact with them. There was once I told her…which Ex are you talking about… you have so many of them. Then she realise what I really want to tell her implicitly... she replied that she has to reflect…by now she has at least four relationship throughout her twenty odd years of life (Early twenties)… Also, I know of a friend (in secondary school days) who change girlfriend every year.

3.   There was another incident in university year two. My friend Huiping cried after her chat with her bf. Her tears were uncontrollable as I am not her close friend yet she cried in lecture in front of me. I consoled and comforted her but she did not stop tearing. How sad I felt! She did not tell me why she cried but after the incident when she was calmer...she told me her boyfriend break up with her because he liked another gal. Such ever-changing love(so called love).
  

My reflection:

1.  Love - which is not true love as it hurts. True Love will not hurt. People are indulging themselves in the so called ‘love’ which I term as fake love. In fact, it is not love because they actually ‘love’ different people at different time. Love shouldn’t change so easily.
     

2.   People’s feelings for others really change so quickly, that’s why 佛经讲娑婆世界众生虚情假意。They are ever-changing, feelings and humans are ever-changing. So if someone says she/he likes you, don’t be too happy as who knows the next moment, he/she may dislikes you. Don’t be upset if someone tell you they dislike you, as their feelings changes and not long later, he/she will says they like you. Life is just a dream, don't take it too seriously:)

    That’s why (all saints) Buddha’s love for people is real, as his love for people will never change, and it’s rational love without having sentimental feelings in it 真是慈悲—理智的爱 True love- compassion and unconditional love 慈悲 not sentimental. This is something I will learn...

( My teacher told us that if one cannot practice the Love as describe in the pic below--then one cannot have true love for others...and the relationship will not last long...as forgiven is needed in all people relationship...  Long-term relationship is worth committing and not short-term ones. )

爱的真谛

爱是恒久忍耐又有恩慈

爱是不嫉妒

爱是不自夸不张狂

不做害羞的事

不求自己的益处

不轻易发怒

不计算人家的恶

不喜欢不义只喜欢真理

凡事包容凡事相信

凡事盼望

凡事忍耐凡事要忍耐

爱是永不止息

3.   Also Remember even if people are fake to me虚情假意 putting up a nice frame，I will still treat them sincerely我们只可以慈悲真诚相待。感化的力量是很大的！

4.  If one has a bf/gf, one should not even like someone else. One has got to be faithfully committed.  I should reflect ... I will not be like them. I will not be ever-changing and will not play with people feelings. 

5.   Flaws: 我不能/不可以/不要看不顺眼任何的行为。反省！『只看别人的好。不看别人的不好。不要把别人的垃圾放进自己纯净纯善的心中。』I shouldn’t make my benevolent/pure/ kind heart... a trash bin for others’ bad attitude/actions. I should only put the good of people into my heart; the bad flaws in people should be forgiven, forgotten and thrown away. 

Note: I am writing a post on this particular teaching when I observe the wrong... people do, but that doesn't mean all relationships are like what I describe above. I write the above to share with you how I reflect it as a mirror for me to realise the flaws in myself. There are still many faithful people around.

『见人恶　即内省　有则改　无加警』

Other's actions serve as a mirror for me to reflect and change for the better !