AppreciateCriticism(5) /feedback

Flaw 4: Greed and bad actions

Incident: 

There was once in primary school and I desired to have more money. I tried to sell stickers at relatively high price in the childcare and threatened my friends not to tell my teachers about it (using terrifying words). My teachers effectively scolded/criticised me. I was being punished severely! It was very memorable and I never make the mistakes ever again. I know I am wrong and I repent for it then and now! Thank you so much my dearest teachers who teach me how to be a good person!

This was a serious fault as

(1)  I should not greed for money at such a young age and should live contented and take things in my stride. My mum gave me very little money as my family isn’t well off and I should accept it and live with it being a small child.

(2)    It was a bad way to acquire money by threatening my friends using such terrifying/shocking words ( don’t tell my exact words for fear someone learn it!) and what does it means when I dare to even threaten my friends when I am soso young and small. It is a bully behaviour and I should not even threaten my friend in any case.

(3)    How can I do business in a childcare and sell stuff to those friends( children) at such an expensive price. My teacher effectively educated me and deep in my heart I bow sincerely and really appreciate that they punish me severely! Pitiful students today cannot be groomed into great character as they will highly likely bring all their errors with them to their later lives (since the education system/parents do not allow their child to be scolded/punish severely) 严 师 出 高 徒 ！It is because of my teachers' teachings/scoldings/ punishments that make me who I am today. I never threaten since then! I am really grateful! Heartfelt! I love my teachers!

Flaws 5: Disrespectful to teachers

Incident 1: 

In secondary school, I disrespect my teachers and once I spoke sarcastically to my physics teacher telling him the way he teach has improved. At times, I speak badly/badmouth/criticize teachers. Who am I to speak in such manner to a teacher? What rights do I have to criticise my teacher? No rights at all. I am wrong but no one tell me so! I brought along this bad habit/characteristics with me until I so fortunately met all the saints' teachings. Shouldn't we appreciate others when they tell us our flaws? I am a sinner and I will change for the better! Repent deeply!

Incident 2:

There was once, after I completed my JC before I enter Uni, I was being scolded pretty harshly by my teachers due to something seriously wrong that I did. I was upset, angry and unhappy after the scolding and since then my teacher has been polite and nice to me.

Throughout the whole session, my teacher brought up other flaws in me.

My teacher criticizes me in public (others may not know it’s me) that

(1) I was really disrespectful and hurtful when I said … to my teacher,

(2) I constantly view people in the bad light and like to criticize people,

(3) I am not appreciative for what people do for me.

These are very serious flaws that I must and should change. Many years later (Now), I learn from my mistake and change for the better! I will make sure I will not repeat the three flaws!

I will get rid of my flaws! Thank you so much!
I will change for the better!

AppreciateCriticism(4) /feedback

Flaw 2: Standing posture

·         I like to study in the library during my free period in university as it is a very conducive environment for studying. There was once I sit outside the humanities library and the cleaner auntie walked pass me. I smile at her as she came to clean the place. The auntie told me that I slouched when I walked and it does not look good at all. I slouch when I study sitting down and I tend to slouch when I am walking or standing up. She told me to walk straight with chest up. I smiled and sincerely thank the auntie for pointing it out and always reminding me when I met her in the library. And I will remember not to slouch! ^.^

Flaw 3: Narrow minded

•        I tend to judge professors or comment on the way the professors teach (without being aware of it). There was once I was talking about it and compare my previous professors with this particular professor who taught me a module then. Yanyu then say she was satisfy with how professors present their course content and she don’t comment不可以嫌弃老师，不可以不尊师。Thank you Yanyu for making me realise my flaws. I will cherish and appreciate people no matter how they present themselves and don’t compare! 

  Mingyan and Baohua told me that I have to be open-minded as I am very narrow minded. I have to be open to accept others’ opinion that is different from mine. Accepting doesn’t mean agreeing. I can disagree or stay neutral to it yet accepting it.  Let go of my views and listen to the voices of others. 用心聆听别人的意见。The pics explicitly show exactly what I lack. Furthermore, I challenge myself by minoring in philosophy. It really opens my mind and I learn to accept and be receptive to very different viewpoints and mindsets of others. 

AppreciateCriticism(3) /feedback

If I am uneasy with compliments and appreciative of criticism, then sincere, understanding, and virtuous people will gradually come close to me.



When I encourage others (seniors/peers/strangers/colleagues /etc) to do good, both of our virtues are improved. If I do not tell another of his faults, we are both wrong if the trust is build between you and him/her.

Application to my life: 

Flaws 1: Judgmental, stereotype.

• I am fortunate to have a friend Ryan, who was willing to point out my flaws. Although we don’t know each other for very long, but I guess we have built trust already. At least he knew I treat him as my friend. Ryan told me: Don’t be so judgmental as I form opinions of people and situations very quickly when it would be better for me to know more about the person or situation beyond the surface that I observe. “You judge from only what you see with your eye, you don’t see with your heart.” What I see/observe may not be what is true. What he said is indeed true, and I will change…thanks lots Ryan…(actually, don’t judge people, don’t have to give comment on others, change myself for the better by finding and searching for the problem in myself... which is the most important thing I have to do daily, rather than looking and commenting at others).

Additionally within the same group of friends, Maria also commented that the problem with me is I am always stereotyping and it may not be true. I always tend to say guys are lustful and unfaithful. It is good and I am glad that they told me so! So it is better that I lose all my stereotypes and start looking at the good side of guys. ( I form this stereotype as a result of the media, what I observed and the bad experience that I had in the past that I don’t wish to mention). Yes, I believe there are good guys around... hope so...

• Furthermore, some time ago, I had a meal with another friend Rui Tian and her new friends. Her friend Rain gave me a pretty good impression and my interaction with her was rather pleasant. Rui Tian, similar to Ryan, brought to my attention that I am judgmental. She told me I cannot jump into conclusion that a person is nice based on first impression or on the first few meet up. A person can be nice on the first meet up, but after some interaction and a better understanding, you will realize that friend is pretty different from the first impression you have. She told me some  unpleasant incident that happen between them. Rui tian told me that only after knowing a person for a long period of time (being together), then I will truly know a person. As a saying goes, 路遥知马力，日久见人心。But she also reassures me that it is good to be optimistic and positive when I interact with people.

• After my friends told me I am judging and stereotyping people, I researched on my flaws and learn more!   

• What does it mean to "judge" someone and what are some ways to solve it?

~ Judging is thinking and commenting on someone when you don't even know them well enough. Like jumping into conclusions. I am applying standards to others that I don't apply to myself.

Very important teachings:D
practice it, and be happy 

~ From the Saint Christ: "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." don’t be over critical toward others. Don’t criticize others. "Do not judge." There is a righteous kind of judgment we are supposed to exercise—with careful discernment, not to judge--not to judge hypocritically.

    ~ From the Saint Christ: “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." The saint is condemning hypocritical, self-righteous judgments of others. Saint Christ warns against judging someone else for his sin when you yourself are sinning even worse. A saint commanded us not to do so. 

~ It is a duty to lovingly and respectfully confront the person with his sin. This is not judging, but rather pointing out the truth in hope—and with the ultimate goal—of bringing repentance in the other person and restoration to the fellowship. We are to speak the truth in love.

~ Saint Buddha also has teachings: Buddha want us to be free from worry and troubles by clearing our thoughts to attain peace at heart & mind. Put no good and evils in our heart and be free. To judge is to effectively 'pollute' our heart...I need to stop judging and have a kind, pure, clean and clear heart! Be at peace!  清净无染！…….

善相劝     德皆建   
闻 誉 恐   闻 过 欣    直 谅 士     渐 相 亲

I will change for the better and not judge or jump into conclusion when someone do something/ when I see something. I will learn and keep an open mind as everyone is different, I have to accept differences^.^ thank you Ryan, Maria, Rui tian, Jun Ting for pointing out my errors. I will change for good and not be judgmental. 

If I will to continue with this habit of judging people, I believe I will experience bad/terrible consequences. 

SmileyPeace bow deeply with heartfelt thanks for my friends as you are willing to point out my errors!  

AppreciateCriticism (2)

I will learn to be sincere and grateful and I will be able to accept criticism no matter it is destructive or constructive! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

say: Thank you for your criticism/feedback/comment and I will change for the better

 I really appreciate it very much

Sincerely yours, 

PeaceSmiley

Declaimer: the above two picture is gotta from Adisababa's Weblog

AppreciateCriticism (1)

《弟子规》-- 信篇

聞 譽 恐     聞 過 欣   
直 諒 士    漸 相 親

闻 誉 恐   闻 过 欣    
直 谅 士     渐 相 亲

If I am uneasy with compliments and appreciative of criticism, then sincere, understanding, and virtuous people will gradually come close to me.

如 我 聽 到 別 人 讚 嘆 ，就 起 恐 慌 ；聽 到 別 人 批 評 ，反 而 感 到 高 興 ；有 誠 信 又 能 諒 解 我 的 道 德 人 士 ，才 會 逐 漸 願 意 與 我 親 近。

《弟子规》-- 泛爱众

善相勸  德皆建  過不規  道兩虧

善相劝   德皆建   过不规   道两亏

When I encourage others (seniors/peers/strangers/colleagues /etc) to do good, both of our virtues are improved. If I do not tell another of his faults, we are both wrong if the trust is already there.

如我們能互相勸勉向善，彼此的德行都會因此而建立。如朋友有過失，我不告訴他，我們雙方都是錯的。

CRITICISMS/COMMENTS

As I grow more mature each year, I realize and know that there will be lesser and lesser people who are willing to point out the flaws in me as I am too egoistic and unwilling to listen to others' criticism. I will learn and be a lot more willing to receive negative comments about myself yea!

Teacher's teachings:

There will be three groups of people who will criticize us when we do something wrong because they really care. They are (1) parents/guardians, (2) teachers, (3) (true/good/best) friends. People will not even be bothered to tell me my flaws if they do not care. Cherish them. People who criticize us are truly gifts in our lives and are precious (hard to find). Angels in our lives. There are also some other people who will criticise me too (colleagues/boss).

No matter what they say...true or false, accept them first. Reflect on the constructive/true criticism even if only 1% of what he/she says is true. No point and no time to fight back as it will only make things worse. 

I can only ensure what I do is right while whatever others do is really out of my control (to a great extent). If I myself fails to fulfill my duty, then I have no rights to complain about others. I need to be forgiving and cultivate a big heart for he/she will be guilty after many rounds of criticism. (when I do not react negatively to it but say thanks/show gratefulness when he/she criticize me or tell me my flaws in nice/neutral/nasty ways). Do Change that 1%-100% truth (flaws) that I have.

I will have to build rapport and trust with others before criticism is appropriate! 【君子信而后谏   末信则以为谤己也】If there is no/little trust, they may take it very negatively and it is better to keep silent or wait for a good opportunity to tell him/her! (Exceptional case does happenhappens at times). 

Complement/affirm the person before criticizing them especially when I am not close to the person or the person is not very receptive to criticism or 'negative comments' (people will like to be praise, and be affirm by others:)). The day when I am really willing to accept others’ feedback/criticism positive, objectively and optimistically, then I will grow as a person!

Stage 1: Resist criticism/ bad comments about me.

Stage 2: Accept criticism unwillingly.

Stage 3: Accept criticism willingly and change for the better.

Stage 4: Be appreciative/grateful and say thank you when someone tell me of my flaws. "Thank you for your criticism" 

Which stage am I at now? 

良药苦口利于病   bitter chinese medicine may not be tasty but it is really benefiting your health

忠言逆耳利于行 The truth may not sound nice or even nasty, but it is the truth! And knowing it will help me improve and grow as a person!