AppreciateCriticism (1)

《弟子规》-- 信篇

聞 譽 恐     聞 過 欣   
直 諒 士    漸 相 親

闻 誉 恐   闻 过 欣    
直 谅 士     渐 相 亲

If I am uneasy with compliments and appreciative of criticism, then sincere, understanding, and virtuous people will gradually come close to me.

如 我 聽 到 別 人 讚 嘆 ，就 起 恐 慌 ；聽 到 別 人 批 評 ，反 而 感 到 高 興 ；有 誠 信 又 能 諒 解 我 的 道 德 人 士 ，才 會 逐 漸 願 意 與 我 親 近。

《弟子规》-- 泛爱众

善相勸  德皆建  過不規  道兩虧

善相劝   德皆建   过不规   道两亏

When I encourage others (seniors/peers/strangers/colleagues /etc) to do good, both of our virtues are improved. If I do not tell another of his faults, we are both wrong if the trust is already there.

如我們能互相勸勉向善，彼此的德行都會因此而建立。如朋友有過失，我不告訴他，我們雙方都是錯的。

CRITICISMS/COMMENTS

As I grow more mature each year, I realize and know that there will be lesser and lesser people who are willing to point out the flaws in me as I am too egoistic and unwilling to listen to others' criticism. I will learn and be a lot more willing to receive negative comments about myself yea!

Teacher's teachings:

There will be three groups of people who will criticize us when we do something wrong because they really care. They are (1) parents/guardians, (2) teachers, (3) (true/good/best) friends. People will not even be bothered to tell me my flaws if they do not care. Cherish them. People who criticize us are truly gifts in our lives and are precious (hard to find). Angels in our lives. There are also some other people who will criticise me too (colleagues/boss).

No matter what they say...true or false, accept them first. Reflect on the constructive/true criticism even if only 1% of what he/she says is true. No point and no time to fight back as it will only make things worse. 

I can only ensure what I do is right while whatever others do is really out of my control (to a great extent). If I myself fails to fulfill my duty, then I have no rights to complain about others. I need to be forgiving and cultivate a big heart for he/she will be guilty after many rounds of criticism. (when I do not react negatively to it but say thanks/show gratefulness when he/she criticize me or tell me my flaws in nice/neutral/nasty ways). Do Change that 1%-100% truth (flaws) that I have.

I will have to build rapport and trust with others before criticism is appropriate! 【君子信而后谏   末信则以为谤己也】If there is no/little trust, they may take it very negatively and it is better to keep silent or wait for a good opportunity to tell him/her! (Exceptional case does happenhappens at times). 

Complement/affirm the person before criticizing them especially when I am not close to the person or the person is not very receptive to criticism or 'negative comments' (people will like to be praise, and be affirm by others:)). The day when I am really willing to accept others’ feedback/criticism positive, objectively and optimistically, then I will grow as a person!

Stage 1: Resist criticism/ bad comments about me.

Stage 2: Accept criticism unwillingly.

Stage 3: Accept criticism willingly and change for the better.

Stage 4: Be appreciative/grateful and say thank you when someone tell me of my flaws. "Thank you for your criticism" 

Which stage am I at now? 

良药苦口利于病   bitter chinese medicine may not be tasty but it is really benefiting your health

忠言逆耳利于行 The truth may not sound nice or even nasty, but it is the truth! And knowing it will help me improve and grow as a person!