GiVinG FeedBaCK to LoVeD ONeS/ people

Method and wisdom in giving feedback or criticism

-          Attitude, intention, tone, timing

-          First condition: Deep trust , the person has to trust me very much

-          How to build trust: fully elaborated in the video.

Giving feedback/advice between

1. parents and children (grown up)
2. siblings (brothers/sisters/ cousins)
3. friends
4. colleagues
5. in-laws
6. bosses ( me and leaders/management/etc)
7. partners (personal partners/ business partners)
8. spouses (husband, wife) / boyfriend/girlfriend

Intention: A heart to help others to be better, a sincere heart  

Attitude: Sincere and patience, not blaming others

Timing:

1.       when it is a one-to-one interaction and not in the public or in front of a lot of people ( it may be very embarassing and shameful for others)

2.       Only when you feel that she/he is able to accept it

3.       when the person is happy

Tone: Use a warm and nice tone with a friendly/respectful/nice facial expression  

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The above is the very brief summary of the method to give people feedback

Please watch this video to get the full elaborated teachings and many real-life incident on how people give effective feedback.

Every minute and second in this video is very important!

      It is important to know and apply the most effective way to give feedback. With the wrong method, it will cause really bad consequences such as spoiling relationship/ conflict/ ‘cold war’/resentment/ etc. 

      It is important to have a big heart and humble attitude to accept people’s feedback/advice/criticism ( some advice is wrong and we do not take those advice/feedback to heart)

弟子规细讲第13集 40:35- 55:08 minute  到 15集 17:30

第13集 from 40:35-55:08

第14集

第15集 till 17:30

《弟子规》-入则销

親有過     諫使更     怡吾色     柔吾聲

亲有过　 谏使更　 怡吾色　 柔吾声
When my parents do wrong, I will urge them to change. I will do it with a kind facial expression and a warm gentle voice.
父母有過失，要力勸他們更改。勸他們的時候，我們的表情要委婉，聲音要柔和。

諫不入     悅復諫     號泣隨     撻無怨
If they do not accept my advice, I will wait until they are in a happier mood before I attempt to dissuade them again, followed by crying, if necessary, to make them understand. If they end up whipping me, I will not hold grudge against them.
如父母不接受我們的勸告，我們可以等父母心情好一點的時候，再次的勸他們。如果父母還是不肯接受，我們可以接著用哭泣的方式使父母覺悟。即使因此被父母鞭打，我們心裡也絕不會起怨恨的心。