聞譽恐 聞過欣 直諒士 漸相親
闻誉恐 闻过欣 直谅士 渐相亲
If I am uneasy about compliments and appreciative of criticism, then sincere, understanding, and virtuous people will gradually come close to me.
如我聽到別人讚嘆，就起恐慌；聽到別人批評，反而感到高興；有誠信又能諒解我的道德人士，才會逐漸願意與我親近。
COMPLIMENTS
Incident 1:
This is what exactly happen: I was in Junior College (JC) then and when I first went into a special/exclusive morality class, my teacher compliment me in front of the whole class of more than forty. I was being motivated and encouraged but the compliments did not stop there, many aunties(adults) continued to praise me, and told me how great I was and that their kids/my classmate should learn from me. These compliments was excessive and I was not aware of what these compliments will do to me. I was too happy then. Since I always hear how great/good I am, when people tell me the bad side of me/ criticize me, I tend to give them a “black face” (= unhappy/frown/etc). Thus, I am not very receptive to criticism and this is really hurting me as other people will hesitate to tell me my flaws. The scary thing is small little faults will turn into major flaws in me if they are not discover and solve quickly. Thus, it is important to be self aware and be careful with compliments.
Incident 2: Teacher's story
There is a little girl who is very pretty and is constantly praised for having such beautiful facial features. 'Wow, you look so pretty'. As she is so attractive and pretty, many adults compliment her looks. She got very vain and will constantly look into the mirror ( even during class). Her focus is on her looks and she become inattentive and less hardworking than others in class. Are our compliment helping or harming her? In fact, the compliments are not desirable in the character development for the girl. Compliment people's upright character and good personality rather than very superficial elements like looks, talents, achievements, status as these will cause them to be arrogant and full of themselves (If excessive). Inner beauty is far more important than external physical appearance.
Who do not like to know the good in
them? Who will not be happy when others compliments them? Compliment can work as a form of a motivator as well as a hidden knife...
- I have to further improve
myself when these people assure, encourage and praise me. I will work harder to enhance these good qualities and be better.
- I will learn to not be too happy when compliment become excessive, and must reflect
whether I am really that good. I have to be humble about it.
- I need to be uneasy with
compliments as they can make me arrogant,egotistic and unacceptive
towards others' criticism 自以为了不起。。。目中无人. I may think that I am great and when I am
so comfortable with/ use to be praise by others, I may not be able to
recognize the bad side of me and will refuse to listen humbly to the criticism. This is so as I will dislike to know nasty things about
myself, which is bad!
- Some people give
ungenuine compliment that is not really what they think about me, they just say it to make me happy. So
don't be so happy when people compliment as they may not be true at times. What I truly need is
constructive compliment that reassure/and not compliment that
flatters me. ---eventually insincere people who love to flatter me will leave as they cannot get any advantage by flattering me.
- Do affirm/compliment people when necessary:) it makes someone's day and make them more confident of themselves (if they are not).
Incident: Happen many times...
When I was being compliment by elders/ aunties/ uncles while I am studying in university, some
people will praise me for being so intelligent and that I must be a genius
to study university mathematical sciences. And that I will be great and earn a
lot of money in the future! I am alert not be arrogant and tell them
that I have genius friends( a lot of my friends are brighter than me) and I am the hardworking type. Also,
deep in my heart...I know I study university not to be wealthy(earn a
lot of money) but to truly expand my knowledge and contribute to
society by repaying my country for what she has done for me
throughout my whole life. I will give my respect to cleaners,
construction workers, drivers, and too many to mention...and not be
so full of myself/look down on them just because I am a graduate and
others may not be. ( something I learn from an uncle in my temporary
Job). I will be humble with regards to my paper qualification as there are so much to learn from the less educated ones. I will not think that I am more educated and that it means I am better than others. I am not! I will learn humbly!
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