Learn from the Good (2)

Learn the desirable characteristics of others 
I will become better! 

Family 

(1) Grandmother 

a. Filial. 

b. Save a life!  I should have been died by now if I do not have my maternal granny! 我的命是捡回来的！It will be a miracle for me  to write this blog! This blog will never be created! ... The Doctor told my mum to abort me during her pregnancy because of some abnormalities in me 头脑有水. However and fortunately, my grandmother  wanted me to live and told my parents even if I  am abnormal they cannot kill (abort) me. 

My parents decided to transfer to a small private hospital and the doctor said I'm normal. Also, mum prayed a lot. Eventually, I was born in the private hospital normal and healthy. I am in my   twenties now and still very healthy in fact!  I visit the doctor rarely as I am a healthy vegetarian:)  Stop abortion! Cruel! My grandma saved my life!

me 

(2) Dad 

a. Filial! Since my paternal granny move out of my house (when I am still very small), my dad will make his trip to my uncle’s place to visit grandma every month, for more than twenty years. My granny is more than 85 years old now and still pretty healthy. Additionally, my dad has a very good mother-son relationship with my  granny and they  will chat on the phone sometimes. Whenever granny needs help,  dad  will  do the necessary.

I only realise the importance of visiting granny after I learn from Saints’ teachings and since then, for 6 years, my whole family will be visiting granny monthly. I do not like to watch dramas so I will help granny with stuff like laying her mattress, sweep and mop the floor, wash plates, etc. 

Uncle told us that granny is always happy after our visit :) 

b. Tolerance! 

Suppose my dad isn’t tolerant and loving, my family would have been broken! My parents could have divorced. There are many terrible things that happened when I was a baby and a toddler, and even before I come into this world... I have a complete family merely because my grandparents, my paternal family and my dad are very understanding and forgiving. My dad is a man of his words  pulling through all difficulties in his marriage though he can well give up long ago. He tolerates a lot a lot! Sometimes, I even feel that I am not as tolerant as my dad. Despite the challenges, we face them bravely, and actually, it is a small matter depends on how you view it.

Love 

 I introduce Saints’ teachings and the Buddha’s teachings into my family. These teachings really make my family more bonded and really harmonious. Currently, my family rarely has conflict:) because we are immersed into the world of Saints' teachings! 

 Tolerance, forgiveness and love are the key to family  happiness. Also, when interacting with people especially family, money and self-benefit are two important ‘things’ to forgo. Otherwise,  conflicts may follows and become a norm in a family.   

(3) Mother 

a. Filial. Sometimes, my maternal grandmother will scold mum very   fiercely and strictly...sometimes it is pretty frequent....now it’s not...yet mum does not seem to take it to heart. Mum will still visit my grandmother quite frequently ( more than twice/twice a month). I am not as good as my mum as I may get very unhappy (sometimes) when my mum scold me. I should learn from mum!

b. Thrifty and good management of Money. My mum is ‘The minister of wealth’ in my family and she manages our expenditures well.  Without good management, my family could be in a bad state, especially when my family is in the lower income bracket. Because of mum, financial crisis isn’t a crisis for us as she saves  previously. My family is very thrifty and mum plays a key role in ensuring we  live within our means. She imparts to me the important quality of thriftiness. Since my graduation from Junior College and for the whole of my university life, I am financially independent and there is $0  allowance for me. On average, I spend $100 per month in the university, which is unbelievable for many people. I only buy things that are necessary.  俭以养德 。



I will learn to be filial to my parents, tolerant towards others, and will plead others to keep a little life when they want to abort him/her . I will learn to manage my money well and live within my means! ^.^

Learn from the GOOD (1)

见人善　即思齐　纵去远　以渐跻

Let us look at the good/commendable qualities in others and forgo the undesirable characteristics in others 

Some time in year 4 semester 2...I told myself : From today onward, for everyone whom I meet in life, I need to write down 

(1) The whole list of good in them and learn from them! 

Professors 
                   

(1) Professor Tang

a. Very Very Helpful! In Year 1 semester one of  university life, I took a year 4 module( Chinese Sematics)  and have some difficulties studying it. I sit-in to another module to learn the foundational content to help me better understand that module. During it's break time, I will read Chinese Sematics' content. After some time, Professor actually approached me and offer his help to my surprise! Since then for half a semester, Professor Tang will spend half an hour of his morning before the lecture answering my questions on Chinese Sematics.      In fact, it is not his obligation to teach me individually but when I am humble and diligent to learn, I will be able to get help somehow. He is so nice, supportive and helpful! I will learn from Prof!

b. Nice Speaking tone and attitude. When Professor speaks in the lecture, he sounded so pleasant and nice so much so it is a blessing to be able to be his student and to attend his lecture. The way he talks to students and the way he explains things really makes a difference and make me understand it well. One's tone and attitude will determine if the audience wants to interact with you or not.     
   

(2) Professor Teri 

a. Very devoted in giving me (students) substantial feedback and criticism. He is absolutely detailed, straightforward and blunt which makes his feedback very precise and useful in improving my essays. He gave me an experience to accept criticisms. He pointed out all my grammatical errors! I always show my appreciation towards him for his great effort and always assisting me in making my essays better. 

b. Very committed and devoted to his students. 

(3) Professor Jan 

a. Very good at explaining things and making the content of the topic precise and clear. It may be easy understanding a content but to be able to make others understand need greater understanding. 

b. Very encouraging! When I was really unconfident and felt very down studying the content of the toughest philosophy module, I approached her. She always boosted my morale and made me feel confident and motivated again to continue the tough route in learning this module. "You are doing good!"  " You can do it! ". It is the way she said it: the tone, facial expression and body gestures that makes a difference. Because Prof. is genuine. It does not matter if something is tough, it matters when one loss the morale and drive to pull through it. Motivate ourselves and others and keep the morale high! 

                                                                                    c. 

Very enthusiastic when she's teaching! Every lesson without fail she shows so much drive so much so that her enthusiasm in the topic is contagious enough to make me enthusiastic too! If the presenter/teacher/professor is very enthusiastic in what they are presenting, then the audience/students will have the drive too! ( Especially when the content is tough)

 d. Amazingly, she is so capable of making such a boring topic logic so interesting and meaningful. It is tough to make an interesting topic uninteresting but it is even tougher to make an uninteresting topic very interesting. I should learn from prof!


(4) Professor Colu 

a. Similar to Prof. Teri - provide substantial feedback on my essays and  did his best to assist me in essay writing.  Very thorough in his comments during the many meet-ups.  
& very committed. 

b. Throughout the semester, I will approach him with questions.  Before I leave the room, he will always say “Hope you have a good day/take care/ etc.”  which  makes me happy somehow. Positive words really brighten my days and will brighten everyone's day when conveyed genuinely. I should learn from him! 

c. Very appreciative. I went for my last consultation session with him on my last day of university life. Surprisingly, he is very appreciative. He said (before I leave): " Thank you for your contribution to the discussion in class as it actually keeps the discussion going ..." The way he said it is very genuine and sincere. I Can feel it. 

You may think that I'm really lucky to meet nice professors but it is not the case. I have the drive to strive in these modules and I made the effort to learn humbly from the professors. Also, it is one's attitude态度 and interpersonal skills that make a difference. 

People may have many good qualities in them but if we are always critical towards others, we will not realise their good! 

Search for the best in others and learn from their best to improve myself!
I will learn to be helpful, devoted, committed, appreciative, encouraging, enthusiastic in the things I do and to people I meet. I will also learn to nice to people, explain things clearly and to make something boring interesting in presentations. It takes great effort and I can do it well! ^.^  

I want to be a happy, candid and genuine person.

I really feel that in an interview you cannot tell the person the truth because people will view you very badly. Why must we put a fake show and sell ourselves telling people how good we are bah bah. ( sorry, I am not saying one cannot sell oneself, don't get me wrong, I am just saying I want to be truthful) The interviewer will only be able to hear the good that the Interviewee say but they may not see the full picture because many interviewees are selling themselves and hiding their weaknesses(and the blunt truth). Why can’t we be true and candid to each other? Why must we hide our weaknesses? Why can’t we tell the truth? Haha because if we tell the truth we will/may not be hired/ selected for the positions. Lol! 

Like what the book Anyway: Paradoxical commandments says---“Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.” In my interview on Tuesday and Thursday, I am very candid but I felt so vulnerable as the interviewer may doubt my abilities. Despite so, I think I will follow my mind and heart because I have 100% absolute trust and faith in Saints’ teachings. I will follow it! You do not have to follow me as I am a very different person from normal people. Because it is very tough to be different from the norm and the layman. It needs a lot of courage and faith!  

Everyone will see the real me because I will not put up a frame to hide my weaknesses. I will repent and tell the world my weaknesses and flaws (like how I wrote them all in my blog) and how I improve on them. I am not be afraid of letting my friends know my flaws. I want to be a candid, transparent and genuine individual! I aspire to be a REAL person! I believe there will be someone who will appreciate my truthfulness. Even if no one appreciates that, I will still continue with what I believe. 

  

Also, I went to a company today for an interview. I wonder why people look so serious and they do not smile. Some look so tough. Are the working population happy? Why are they not smiling and beaming happily. Is the workforce really so different from school?...probably it is....

Now I wonder, if I really want to be a successful person having a high status in a company, will I be happy? If I ever become very successful, I will make myself very happy and I will smile all day long! If I don't become successful, I will still be happy all day long! I do not see a point in being successful yet unhappy. My friend can laugh at me but to me happiness is more important than anything else (more important than being successful).

When I really join the workforce one day, I will make sure I am very elated all day long! I Will be very joyous and smile smile smile! 

I want to be a happy, candid, transparent and genuine person! It takes a lot of courage but I believe being a follower of Saints, I will do it well! 

When you observe others do wrong, immediately reflect upon yourself (7)

Saints' Teachings 
《弟子规》
(1) 见人恶　即内省　有则改　无加警
      When I see others do wrong, immediately reflect upon myself.
       If I have made the same mistake, correct it.
       If I do not have such flaws/errors, I will be extra cautious not to make the same                    mistakes.

I have 6 posts on how I apply the above teaching . This shows how important this teaching is.
My teacher's elaborated teachings on the this teaching.

细讲《弟子规》  32集
31:00- 50:00 mins

Other related teachings of Saints.

(2) {只看别人的好。不看别人的不好。不要把别人的垃圾放进自己纯净纯善的心中}

         I should not make my benevolent/pure kind heart a trash bin for others' bad 
         Character/behavior/attitude/ actions /words/etc... 

         I should put only the good of people into my heart; the bad/flaws in people should be
         forgiven, forgotten and thrown away.  
(3) Saint Christ's teaching: Love Keeps no record of Wrong 

(4) 《弟子规》 揚人惡    即是惡    疾之甚     禍且作
Spreading rumors about the wrongdoings of others is a wrongdoing in itself. When the harm done has reached the extreme, misfortunes will surely follow.
宣扬别人的恶，是一件恶事。做多了，当我造成很大的伤害（到了极处），灾祸就跟着降临！
宣揚別人的惡，是件惡事。做多了，當傷害達到了極處，災禍就跟著降臨了。

(5) In Buddhism, the Buddha says: " 若真修道人不见世间过!". In other words, a person who is cultivating his/her personality (for good) should not see the bad and evils in the world. Because everything is a reflection of ourselves and the wrongs that we must not have.

When you observe others do wrong, immediately reflect upon yourself (6)

见人恶　即内省　有则改　无加警

Incident 6

Last year, I had lunch with a friend yingpin; She told me her problems and indeed a lot of problems in her life.

~ The Major problem: she was too uncontended with her life. Without morality and inspiration, human being is living a life of misery as she always 

1. wants things that she could not get

2. envy/ get jealous of what people have

3. see the flaws in others and failed to see the good in others. 

She got upset because of all these. 人没有受伦理道德的教育是很可怜的。有苦，有求不得苦（想要得到却得不到），看别人的过失而怨 — 苦（看别人不顺眼）。人不在地狱，却活得如同地狱般苦！I will not write in full details as it's private and confidential but this is the gist of it.

For point (2) and (3): It is being resolve and elaborated in previous posts.

Gratitude

~人不懂得感恩就会痛苦。In life, many people have done many things for us. But we fail to realise it and fail to feel it. We tend to always complain and view the misery in life.

~ I have already post on ‘Parents’ love’ and ‘Happiness comes from gratitude and appreciation'... I will elaborate slightly below. 

• ~ Just take our safe and security as an example. Our National Service(NS) men sacrifice their two years of their life and countless reservice hours for what? For the safe and security...for ME and for people in Singapore. Can we not be grateful and take everything for granted? Our peaceful life is a result of men’s blood, sweat and tears.  Can I think that everything is what I deserve? No, I deserve nothing! Everything is a gift, a present that countless people has given me! Gratitude! No words can express my gratitude toward you all! Your time, effort and hardship is worthwhile because YOU are the one who protect 5.3 million people! If you are in other countries, you are protecting much more people. Do you know how important and valuable you are?... To our NS men and to all who protect the people of Singapore/ other countries/ the world : I salute you...deeply from my heart sincerely! Thank you for protecting our country! ...the world!… This is only one aspect of my life…safe and security…

~ What about other aspects in life? Education. All the principals, teachers and staff worked for my future and the future of Singapore’s future generations. My education is paid largely by my parents and especially taxpayers. Taxpayers are my angels and guardians. 恩人啊！Without taxpayers, I will not be educated till university. How much money has been pumped into our education system? Too much to imagine!  I will never be able to study till university, and I believe nobody can, except children from wealthy families. I come from either a middle-low or lower income family. It is never possible without taxpayers and my parents. Gratitude! The situation may be different in other countries but the spirit is the same...we still have to be very grateful to the grateful!

~ How many people have put in so much effort to make my life better ( all aspects of my life)? 我不知道有多少幕后英雄！但我知道我必须感恩，一个会感恩的人才会快乐呀！多少人的付出，我才有今天！There are Many heroes in my life and I may not realise their presence but I know they are always there! They are heroes in all occupations, who make my life possible. Gratitude! 

~ My teacher always urge us to“感别人的恩，改自己的过”Always be grateful to others and always seek for self-improvement and change for the better!

Family 

~ When I chat with my friend, I realized what Buddha say is true：生到世界来， 人与人之间 或 父母与子女之间有四种缘：讨债、还债、报恩、抱怨。不过如此而已。I came to this world to repay the kindness of mankind and to contribute the best to the world. We have three ways of treating people- be nice, neutral or nasty. I have a choice and I will be nice! In her case, she does not have a happy family as both her parents do not treat her well in her perspective…which is why she see things rather negatively (understandable).

~ I got to be more understanding towards others as their background really does matters in shaping their personalities. When I interact with at-risk children/youth in a non-profit organisation/school, it is so real to me that they need more confidence, assurance and love. Don’t blame people for what they do as they may be very pitiful. 可恶之人，必有可怜之处！

~ When I reflect, I do have a good family. Hm… Actually, my family isn’t that perfect and relatives view my family as having problems or imperfection at that moment in time.  

~ On the contrary, I do not have such perspective. I see things differently. I think it was a small issue, probably I had resolve the kind of emotional trouble using Saints’ teaching. Saints’ teachings have made me learn to love...not be rebellious and dislike my parents. Many times, a small problem can be magnify by our own negative thoughts and magnify by people’s negative comments. Actually, we just have to face the music and solve it to the best of our ability. 圣贤人真有智慧。没受孝道的教育真是人的悲哀！

Wants and desire

~ 人没有随缘而又攀缘，有求不得苦。Yingpin cannot get what she wants so she felt that her life is miserable as she thinks that life is so difficult. This is one of the misery called “求不得苦 - you cannot get what you want”. 这就是求不得苦呀！

Stage 1: 有求，而求不得，就会痛苦。I may want/desire something, but I cannot get it, then I will feel sad/ miserable/angry.

Stage 2 : 有努力，没要求，随缘，就不苦。I strive to get something without having the desire to get it as I go with the flow of life. I will not feel that bad when I do not get it. 自在随缘！

Stage 3: Best! 老师常说 “人到无求品自高! 知足常乐! ” 真实不虚！Do not greed for this and that. I do everything for the benefit of society/ Singapore (my country)/ the world/ Mankind-- happy and no misery. If it is successful, good. If it isn’t successful, it’s good too! Every experience is a good experience depending entirely on my own positive thoughts and attitude. There is always something I can learn from everything! I will achieve stage 3- a free life. 

o   There are certain things I cannot have in life but I always put in 100%/ 200%/ 300% effort to get what I want. I believe hard work will be paid off ultimately. When we believe in ourselves, we have won half the battle. If hard work doesn’t paid off as much as I desire, then I need to recall...my secondary school teacher said: “You aim for the sky and hopefully you land on the clouds”. Aim high so you don’t fall low. Also, 『不求有功  但求无过』When we do good, we do not ask for return or any rewards, we do it for the others, the society and the world’s benefits.『只问耕耘  不求收获』

o   When I have a goal, I will earnestly strive with great effort to get what I want. When we do our best, the result is the best we can get. When I am in my secondary school, I was not nervous at all when I receive my ‘O’ level results as I did my very best and whatever results I get…is the best. It is the same for everything I do. I did the best, I have no regrets. I will do it without much desire( desire is a stronger feeling than a ‘want’ and it is dangerous as it may become greed). 

I face the result optimistically no matter what it’s outcome might be. I am contented with the outcome, and there is no/little negative emotions or any feeling of sadness as I did my very best already ya! I will reflect on how can I make it better the next time round.

~ Life is something like playing chess, I have to take what is given to me and make the best out of everything. Every step I move in the game, I will give it the best shot… but without having the thought of I want this, I want that, that’s the root of misery.
~ If I always ponder and look at what others have and blame my life to be unfair, I will live a life that is miserable. Why can’t we open our heart and see the good in people? I will not compare myself with others because everything has a reason (there is no need to envy).
~ I will Stop being so greedy and limit or even stop my’s greed.

Live within our means And live our very best! Stop complaining!

Life can be very beautiful if I view life with an optimistic perspective in my heart and in my mind!

I need to learn to be 如如不动！Learn DiZiGui, people do all the wrong things to help me reflect and do the right things to make me learn. Do not criticize! Never do that! Do not have too much of your views and do not air it so easily! As those views may harm others and may be wrong in the first place. In any circumstances, just don’t be easily moved/affected by others (do my best).

I have come to my last reflection post on this teaching...

见人恶　即内省　有则改　无加警

When I observe others do wrong, immediately reflect upon myself